Thank you for calling The Lord's House.
Please select
from the
following
options:
Press 1 for GENERAL REQUESTS
Press 2 for THANKSGIVING
Press 3 for COMPLAINTS
Press 4 for HEALING
Press 5 for HELP WITH THE IRS
Press 6 for RAIN or No RAIN
Press 7 for MIRACLES
Press 8 for LOTTERY WINNING NUMBERS
Press 9 for ALL OTHER INQUIRIES OR JUST TO SAY "HI"
Press 0 to hear this menu again
What if God used the familiar excuse.
"I'm sorry, all the angels are helping other SINNERS
right now. Please
stay on the line. Your call is important to us and
will be answered in
this millenium.
Can you imagine getting these kind of responses as you
call God in
prayer:
If you would like to speak to Gabriel, press 11
For Michael, press 22
For a directory of the other Archangels, press 33
If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm
while you are
holding,
please press 55
Then wait for the beep and enter the
number of the
Psalm you wish to hear.
To find out if a loved one has been assigned to
heaven, press 62
Enter
his or her social security number, the press the pound
(#) key, enter
their date of birth, then press the pound (#) key
twice.
For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the
age of the earth,
where Noah's Ark is, Darwin, Hitler, the Pope,
abortion, and UFO's,
please wait until you arrive here, answers can only be
understood from
a
"heavenly perspective".
To reach Lucifer, press 666, and your call will be
automatically
transferred.
PLEASE be careful, your receiver may
become warm.
Our computers show that you have already called once
today.
Please hang
up and try tomorrow.
This office is closed for the weekend.
Please call
again on Monday,
after 9:30 A.M., but before 4:30 ACST (Absolute
Celestial Standard
Time).
To order any religious material Enter catalog number,
quantity, and a
major credit card number plus expiration date.
For emergencies, refer to your BIBLE.
| Curly David's Happy Hour |
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