If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

If there is no God, who pops up the next kleenex in the box?

When a cow laughs, does milk come out it's nose?

Why do they put braille on the number pads of drive-through teller machines?

How did a fool and his money get together?

If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon to the pan?

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

What's another word for thesaurus?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

What do they use to ship Styrofoam?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

How do you know when it is time to tune your bagpipes?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

When you choke a smurf, what color do they turn?

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the special olympics?

Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?

If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?

If a stealth bomber crashes in the forest, does it make a sound?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

Should vegitarians eat animal crackers?

Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?

Why isn't "phonetic" spelled the way it sounds?

Why do people sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" when they're already there?

Why do people say "tuna fish?" They don't say "beef mammal" or "chicken bird!"

Life is sexually transmitted.

Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.

It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

Never knock on Death's door; ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).

Lead me not into temptation (I can find the way myself).

When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?

If you're living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat belt.

The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.

Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

Hang On Sloopy is the official rock song of Ohio.

Did you know that there are coffee flavored PEZ?

The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the "American Pie." (Thus the name of the Don McLean song.)

When opossums are playing 'possum, they are not "playing." They actually pass out from sheer terror.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades - King David, Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne, and Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.

The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from and old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

An ostrich's eye is bigger that it's brain.

The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.

David Prowse was the guy in the Darth Vader suit in Star Wars. He spoke all of Vader's lines, and didn't know that he was going to be dubbed over by James Earl Jones until he saw the screening of the movie.

The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.

The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.

The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

Cat's urine glows under a blacklight.

The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.

Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.

No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Superbowl.

The first toilet ever seen on television was on "Leave It To Beaver".

The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star Game.

Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

A full grown bear can run as fast as a horse.

90% of household dust is composed of human skin.

The world's oldest known recipe is for beer.

The wingspan of a Boeing 747 jet is longer than the Wright Brother's first flight

It's physically impossible to get sick while you're laughing.

Mickey Mouse's ears are always turned to the front, no matter which direction his head is pointing.

Some people are genetically predisposed to hate the taste of cabbage.

"Graffito" is the singular of "graffiti."

The phrase, "convicted felon" is redundant. No one is a felon until he's been convicted.

Cucumbers are the only food that cockroaches won't eat.

Oak trees do not have acorns until they are 50 years old or older.

There are 1,792 steps to the top of the Eiffel Tower.

The most stolen books from public libraries, in order:
1. The Bible
2. The Koran
3. The Police Entrance Examination Guide

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

England is smaller geographically than New England.

In a deck of cards, the King of hearts is the only King without a mustache.

Giraffes are unable to cough or swim.

The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan."

In Cleveland, Ohio, it's illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.

It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs.

Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

There are an average of 178 sesame seeds on a McDonald's Big Mac bun.

The world's termites outweigh the world's humans 10 to 1.

Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than new cars.

The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

When Heinz ketchup leaves the bottle, it travels at a rate of 25 miles per year.

It's possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.

The Bible has been translated into Klingon.

Humans are the only primates that don't have pigment in the palms of their hands.

Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka.

Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.

On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.

In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world's nuclear weapons combined.

Reno, Nevada is west of Los Angeles, California.

Average age of top GM executives in 1994: 49.8 years. Average age of the Rolling Stones: 50.6.

Elephants can't jump. Every other mammal can.

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

Five Jell-O flavors that flopped: celery, coffee, cola, apple, and chocolate.

According to one study, 24% of lawns have some sort of lawn ornament in their yard.

Internationally, Baywatch is the most popular TV show in history.

At one time in Holland it took four years to train to be a hatmaker but only three years to train to be a surgeon

Despite the many rat infested slums in New York City, only 311 people are bitten by rats in an average year. But 1,519 residents are bitten annually by other New Yorkers.

No one knows why, but 90 percent of women who walk into a department store immediately turn to the right.

The term skyscraper was first used way back in 1888 to describe an 11 story building.

Adults average only one nightmare a year, but typically have seven sexual fantasies a day.

There are twice as many kangaroos in Australia as there are people. The kangaroo population is estimated at about 40 million.

During his entire lifetime, Herman Melville's timeless classic of the sea, 'Moby Dick', only sold 50 copies.

Women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

At my age going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

You know how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, I wonder what Chinese mothers use? Perhaps toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to these men?

I thought about being rich and it don't mean so much, Just look at Henry Ford, all those millions and he never owned a Cadillac!

If you jogged backward . . .would you gain weight?

Wonder what you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp?

I wonder if Adam ever said to Eve, "Watch it! There are more ribs where you came from!"

I have decided that Nostalgia is the VCR of our minds.

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.

Borrow money from pessimists- they don't expect it back.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.

Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.

Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.

Amount American Airlines saved in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served first class: $40,000

City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong

State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33

Average number of days a West German goes without washing his underwear: 7

Percentage of American men who say they would marry the same woman if they had it to do all over again: 80%

Percentage of American women who say they'd marry the same man: 50%

Cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400

Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.

Percentage of Americans who have visited Disneyland/Disney World: 70%

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

The youngest pope was 11 years old.

Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other nation.

First novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

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