50 above
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Maine sunbathe.
40 above
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Maine drive with the windows down.
32 above
Distilled water freezes.
Moosehead Lake's water gets thicker.
20 above
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves and woolly hats.
People in Maine throw on a flannel shirt
15 above
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Maine have the last cook-out before it gets cold.
0 - People in Miami all die
Mainers lick the flagpole.
20 below
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in Maine get out their winter coats.
40 below
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Maine are selling cookies door to door.
60 below
Polar bears begin to evacuate the Artic.
Maine's Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets
cold enough.
80 below
Mt. St. Helen's freezes.
People in Maine rent some videos.
100 below
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Maine-iacs get frustrated because they can't thaw the keg.
297 below
Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products.
Cows in Maine complain about farmers with cold hands.
460 below
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale).
People in Maine start saying...."Cold 'nuff for ya?" (answer: "ayuh")
500 below
Hell freezes over.
The New England Patriots win the Super Bowl.
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