Q. Did you hear about the 150 lb. man who had 75 lb. testicles?
A. He was half nuts!!!
Q. What do you call a blonde grabbing at air?
A. Collecting her thoughts
Q. How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?
A. Very satisfying.
Q. What do women and spaghetti have in common?
A. They both squirm when you eat them.
Q. What's 69 and 69?
A. Dinner for four.
Q. Why don't chickens wear underwear?
A. Because their peckers are on their faces.
Q. What's worse than being raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Being fingered by Captain Hook.
Q. What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
A. Crabs on your organ.
Q. Did you hear about the nympho at the hotel pool?
A. She was barred from the area after the lifeguard saw her go down
for the third time.
Q. How do you make a hormone?
A. Don't pay her.
Q. What's the difference between 'ohh' and 'ahh'?
A. About 4 inches.
Q. When does a cub become a boy scout?
A. When he eats his first Brownie.
Q. What's the difference between Like and Love?
A. Spit and Swallow.
Q. What's the difference between men and jelly beans?
A. Jelly beans come in different colors.
Q. What do a Rubik's cube and a penis have in common?
A. The longer you play with it, the harder it gets!
Q. Why do female paratroopers wear jockstraps?
A. So they don't whistle on the way down.
Q. How can you tell a macho women?
A. She rolls her own tampons.
Q. What do a coffin and a condom have in common?
A. They're both filled with stiffs - except one's coming and one's
going.
Q. How do you know that a female bartender is pissed off with you?
A. There's a string hanging out of your bloody Mary.
Q. How do you recycle a used tampon?
A. As a tea-bag for vampires.
A. What do elephants use as tampons?
Q. Sheep
A. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Q. Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job.
Q. What do you do in case of fallout?
A. Put it back in and take shorter strokes.
Q. What's better than a rose on your piano?
A. Two lips on your organ.
Q. What is the definition of pure agony?
A. Fucking a meat mincer!
Q. What's the ultimate in rejection?
A. When your spanking hand falls asleep.
Q. What is organic dental floss?
A. Pubic hair.
Q. What are the three greatest lies?
A. a) the check is in the mail
b) small is beautiful
c) I won't come in your mouth
Q. How can you tell if your girlfriend's frigid?
A. When you open her legs the lights go on.
Q. Why did the pervert cross the road?
A. Because he got his dick stuck in the chicken.
Q. Which of the following doesn't belong?
(a) meat
(b) eggs
(c) wife
(d) blowjob
A. (d) a blowjob because it's possible to beat your meat,
your eggs, or your wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.
Q. What's got four legs and one arm?
A. A Rottweiler.
Q. What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick?
A. Fucks funny.
Q. What do you call grit in a condom?
A. An organ grinder.
Q. What's green and eats nuts?
A. Herpes.
Q. Why did the condom fly across the room?
A. Because it got pissed off.
Q. Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
A. He decided to stick it out for one more year!
Q. What does Old Milwaukee and making love in a small rowing-boat
have in common?
A. They are both fucking close to water!
Q. What kind of bees give milk?
A. Boo bees.
Q. What do gay men refer to hemorrhoids as?
A. Speed bumps.
Q. What is the first symptom of aids?
A. A heavy pounding in the rectum.
Q. What has three teeth and sixty feet?
A. The front row at a Willy Nelson concert.
Q. What is the new gay website address?
A. c : enter (see colon enter).
Q. What is the new O.J. website address?
A. slash slash backslash escape.
Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. The balls are just for decoration.
Q. What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A. Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.
Q. What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery
bag?
A. One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play
with....the other is used to carry groceries.
Q. What is the mating call of a blonde?
A. "I'm sooooo drunk!"
Q. What do you get when you cross a blonde and a pit bull?
A. Your last blow job....ever!
Q. Hear about the bargain-hunter who got his vasectomy at Sears?
A. Everytime he gets a hard-on, the garage door goes up.
Q. What's hard and straight going in, soft and sticky coming out?
A. Chewing gum.
Q. What's six inches long that women love?
A. Folding money.
Q. Why do women like to play Pac-man?
A. Because they can get eaten three minutes for a quarter.
Q. Why is life like a penis?
A. Because when it's soft it's hard to beat, but when it's hard you
get screwed.
Q. What is the definition of wicker box?
A. It's what Elmer Fudd wants to do to Madonna.
Q. What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A. A bingo machine.
Q. What do you call a Florida gynecologist?
A. A spreader of old wives' tails...
Q. Why do women prefer old gynecologists?
A. They have shaky hands!
Q. What is the area between the vagina and the anus called?
A. A chin rest.
Q. How can you tell a Sumo wrestler from a feminist?
A. A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.
Q. What do you call a female midget who's nice and gives head?
A. Short, sweet, and to the point!
Q. What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?
A. The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
Q. What do you get when you cross a vibrator with an anteater?
A. An armadillo.
Q. What is Rodeo Sex?
A. Well, it's where your lady friend is on all fours, you are
firmly ensconced from the rear with a breast in each hand, and you
say to her, "This is the way your sister likes it too." You have
eight seconds to stay in the saddle.
Q. Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
A. It changes their blood type.
Q. What do Lifesavers do that a man can't?
A. Come in eight flavors.
Q. What was the first obscenity ever heard on TV?
A. "Ward, weren't you a little hard on the Beaver last night?"
Q. Do you know why it's called sex?
A. Because it's easier to spell than...
"Uhhhhh..oooohh...Ahhhhhh....AIIEEEEEEE!!!"
Q. What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair between his
teeth?
A. Gladiator! (Glad he ate her)
Q. Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
A. Ate something. (8.xxxxxxx....)
Q. But do you know what 6.9 is?
A. A good thing screwed up by a period.
Q. What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
A. A tea bag.
Q. If you are having sex with two women and one more woman walks
in, what do you have?
A. Divorce proceedings, most likely.
Q. If you go to bed 9 hours before you have to wake up, and your
wife wants to have 2 hours of sex, how much sleep will you get?
A. 8 hours, 59 minutes - who cares what she wants!
Q. What did Adam say to Eve?
A. You'd better stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets.
Q. Why do women have two holes so close together?
A. In case you miss.
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