1. It takes 116 muscles to climax, but only 17 to smile. (But who cares?)

2. Sex makes you alert and ready to face the world ... it's an ideal substitute for a hot breakfast.

3. The greater the orgasm, the deeper the sleep. Multiple orgasms (20 or more per hour) can induce a coma and near-fusion with the mattress.

4. Eat and drink sensibly. The combination of alcohol and sex, especially after long abstinence, can cause spontaneous fizzle.

5. Improved breath control increases oxygen supply throughout entire body, prevents asphyxiation during mighty kisses, trims and tones pelvis, promotes a stronger upper body enabling you to hold on tight and keep partner from damaging furniture during moments of ecstasy.

6. Better coordination prevents confusion during intricate manipulations, permitting you to talk and perform at the same time.

7. A single ejaculation, especially from a man, contains enough sperm cells to fertilize every woman in the Marines.

8. Oral sex is a great way to firm the lower face. (For whom? )

9. After 16 steady hours of sex, it is wise to check your insurance policy.

10."Where am I?" should not be considered an abnormal response to immense orgasm.

11. Men who experience difficulty with insertion should see a guidance counselor.

12. Too much arousal can bring on a hard-attack.

13. It's perfectly okay to have sex on an empty stomach, especially if it belongs to your partner.

14. You know that you've had too much sex when your life begins to flash before your eyes.

15. You know I've had too little sex when my partner begins to flash before my eyes.

16. Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and in demand.

17. Good sex can correct poor posture, or at least make it stand up straight.

18. Thirty percent of our body heat escapes through the head (wear a hat during sex).

19. Sex on an inclined surface (an anthill, for example) builds endurance.

20. The length of an orgasm is usually anywhere from three to eleven seconds or four to seven feet.

21. 1970 FDA approves spray-on Vaseline.

22. To prevent bedsores, oil the sheets.

23. Maintenance tip for massages: change the oil every 10,000 strokes.

24. Sexual survival depends on knowing the difference between a birthmark and a rash.

Back

Curly David's Happy Hour