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Curly's Daily Jokes
08/30/10A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible.
The short story had to contain the following three things:
1 Religion
2 Sexuality
3 Mystery
There was only one A+ paper in the entire class.
Below is the A+ short story:
Good God, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?
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What is a Redneck's defense in court?
"Honest your Honor, I was just helping the sheep over the fence."
Why did God invent armadillos?
So that rednecks can have 'possum on the halfshell.
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So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved.
And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree.
And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road."
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Jack goes to the doctor and says, "Doc I'm having trouble getting my penis erect. Can you help me?"
After a complete examination, the doctor tells Jack,
"Well, the problem with you is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged.
There's really nothing I can do for you unless you're willing to try an experimental treatment."
Jack asks sadly, "What is this treatment?"
"Well," the doctor explains, "what we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis."
Jack thinks about it silently, then says, "Well, the thought of going through life without ever having sex again is too much, let's go for it."
A few weeks after the operation Jack was given the green light to use his improved equipment.
He planned a romantic evening for his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the city.
In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being painful.
To release the pressure Jack unzipped his fly. His penis immediately sprung from his pants,
went to the top of the table, grabbed a roll and then returned to his pants.
His girlfriend was stunned at first but then said with a sly smile,
"That was incredible! Can you do it again?"
With his eyes watering, Jack replied, "Well, I guess so, but I don't think I can fit another roll up my ass."
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I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg.
The phaonmneel pweor of the hmuan mnid.
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearcr at Cmagbride Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers of a wrod are,
the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh?
Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpelng was ipmorantt!
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There was this Pakistani tourist in Mexico, and he was getting tired of walking around,
so he went up to a donkey rental place and said,
''Can I rent a donkey?'
The guy said, "We don't call them donkeys here, we call them asses.
This is the only ass I have left, and you have to scratch him when you want to make him stop."
The guy rides his ass for a while, sees a hotdog stand, and asks for a hotdog.
The vendor replies, "We don't call them hotdogs here we call the wieners."
Meanwhile his donkey is wandering away, so he goes up to another tourist and says
"Will you hold my wiener while I scratch my ass?" .
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SIGNS YOUR DENTIST IS CRAZY
1. Keeps trying to sell you extra teeth.
2. His restrooms are labeled "Bleeders" and "Non-Bleeders"
3. Pumps gas into the waiting room in advance.
4. Does an extensive search for cavities... dental and body.
5. He licks his tools clean.
6. Gets mad when you mention that 4 out of 5 dentists surveyed line.
7. When you come to from being under the gas, he's quick to insist that you wore your pants
backwards when you came into his office.
8. Wears a necklace made of human teeth.
9. Has a grindstone in the office for his tools.
10. Insists that a Novacaine shot is something that he'll buy you at a bar if you just go out with him.
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YEAH I KNOW THE ECONOMY IS IN THE CRAPPER BUT WE STILL NEED TO HAVE FUN!
TREAT YOURSELF OR YOUR PARTNER TO A NEW TOY AND HAVE FUN
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CALL ME NOW I'M NEXT DOOR LOCAL SEX FUCK BUDDIES
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Curly's Daily Pics!
SNATCH OF THE DAY
DAILY DING DONG
PIC OF THE DAY
OBJECT OF THE DAY
TODAY'S BABE
TODAY'S BIKINI
HOT PINK
BIKER BABE
CATCH OF THE DAY
TODAY'S BUTT SLUT
ORAL REPORT
BOOBIES OR BUTTS
TODAY'S EXHIBITIONIST
15 MINUTES OF FAME
DAILY TATTOO
SEXUAL POTPOURRI
TODAY'S GOLDEN OLDIE
TOPLESS BABE
TODAY'S MONEY SHOT
TODAY'S STUD
MRS CURLY'S PIC
TODAY'S HUNK
EVERYDAYFUN PIC
HUMPHOUNDS PIC
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Blonde Moments!
A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work just jumping for joy.
He didn't know why she was jumping for joy but thought, what the heck,
and started jumping up and down with her.
She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"
He said, "Great, tell me what you're so happy about!"
She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told him that she was pregnant!
He kissed her and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"
Then, she said, "Oh, honey, there's more!"
He asked, "What do you mean, 'more?'"
She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew.
She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the TWIN PACK home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!!"
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A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast and screams,
then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more agony.
She pushes her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and screams.
Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she says,"I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken.
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Curly's Classic Joke Of The Day!
Little Johnny came home from school one day confused.
His mother was Jewish and his father was Black.
So Johnny asks, "Mommy am I more Jewish or more Black?"
"What does it really matter?
If you want to know for sure you'll just have to ask your father," his mother tells him.
So, when his father arrived home from work,
Little Johnny asks the same question, " Daddy, am I more Jewish or more Black?"
"What kind of question is that?"
Why do you want to know if you're more Jewish or more Black?", asks dad.
Well, it's like this dad ...
Tommy down the street wants to sell his bicycle for $50,
and I don't know whether to talk him down to $25,
or wait until it's dark and steal the thing.
| FIND YOUR MATCH HERE | WOMEN SEEKING MEN | GUYS SEEKING ORAL SEX |
| WOMEN SEEKING ORAL SEX | YOUR PERSONAL ASSISTANT | WOMEN SEEKING GROUP SEX |
| GUYS SEEKING GUYS | WOMEN SEEKING WOMEN | SOMETHING DIFFERENT |
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