PISCES: FEB 19 - MAR 20
You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to
reprimand, impatient and scornful of advice. You do nothing but piss-off
everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.
ARIES: MAR 21 - APR 19
You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the
CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for
flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.
TAURUS: ARP 20 - MAY 20
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work
like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing
but a goddamned communist.
GEMINI: MAY 21 - JUNE 20
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are
bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you
are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.
CANCER: JUNE 21 - JULY 22
You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems, which
makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will
always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a cancer.
LEO: JULY 23 - AUG 22
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are all idiots. Most
Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance
is disgusting. Leo people are thieving mother fuckers and enjoy masturbation
more than sex.
VIRGO: AUG 23 - SEPT 22
You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking attitude is
sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and
often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.
LIBRA: SEPT 23 - OCT 21
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. If
you are a male, you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary
gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.
SCORPIO: OCT 22 - NOV 21
The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You
shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your lack of ethics. You are
a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios live in fear of assault by the mob.
SAGUTARUS: NOV 22 - DEC 21
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on
luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. You
are a worthless piece of shit.
CAPRICORN: DEC 22 - JAN 19
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically
chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should
withdraw from society.