What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!
How do you tell if a chick's too fat to have sex with?
When you pull her pants down and her ass is still in them.
Why do men pay more than women for car insurance?
Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
What's the difference between Mayonnaise and semen?
Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girls throat at thirty miles an hour.
Why is it so hard for women to take a piss in the morning?
Did you ever try to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich?
Why don't pygmies wear tampons?
They keep stepping on the strings.
How do you piss off a female archeologist??
Give her a used tampon & ask her what period it comes from.
How can you tell a macho women?
She rolls her own tampons.
How can you tell which is the head nurse?
The one with the dirty knees.
What is the difference between a battery and a wife?
A battery has a positive side.
Why do Italians wear mustaches?
So they can look like their mother.
What do you get when you cross two Black people?
Your ass kicked!
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?
A mechanic!
What's the smartest thing to come out of a woman's mouth?
Einstein's penis.
How is a vagina like a grapefruit?
The best ones squirt when you eat them.
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito quits sucking when you smack it.
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickalotopuss.
What kind of bees give milk?
Boo bees.
What do gay men refer to hemorrhoids as?
Speed bumps.
What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
They both like a tight seal.
What has three teeth and sixty feet?
The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.
What is the new O. J. website address?
slash slash backslash escape.
What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
The balls are just for decoration.
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
What are YOU shaking for? She is going to eat me!
What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.
What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah?
About three inches.
What is the difference between a hormone, and an enzyme?
You can't hear an enzyme.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. Men will screw anything.
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is made of plastic and dangerous for children
to play with...the other is used to carry groceries.
What is the last thing they give Tickle Me Elmo before he leaves the factory?
Two test-tickles.
What's the definition of Trust?
Two cannibals giving each other a blow job.
What's the difference between a man and Christmas decorations?
Christmas decorations stay up longer.
What's the Ku Klux Klan's favorite Christmas Song?
I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas.
What do they serve at a cannibal Deli?
Him on Rye!
What do you call a Korean family with two dogs?
Ranchers.
What's the best thing about a blow job from an Ethiopian woman?
You know she'll swallow.
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